Dear Quiznos: I applaud your recent addition of a lobster and seafood sub to your menu. I can only assume this was done in an attempt to cater to a wider variety of people who enjoy making risky choices when it comes to putting things inside of them. Against my better judgement, I fell for it today. And whilst I finished it, reluctantly, I'm still not entirely sure I understand what that was. It didn't taste like any lobster I've ever had. And I'm assuming the 'seafood' component is some sort of organic matter. Possibly from the sea. I don't quite know how to describe the taste of this compound, but I imagine that if baby dolphins could shit screams out of their terrified faces, the results would possibly resemble what you've managed to produce here. So for that, I applaud you. It's not every day that a major food chain is able to effectively reach into the nightmares of Victorian children and manifest that kind of soul-crushing terror into a casual lunch offering. And at $9 a helping, well, clearly you're doing God's work. Provided of course that God is a galaxy-sized shrieking tentacle demon that smells like hate and is completely out of fucks to give. I'm currently on my third bottle of water, and my taste buds (and short-term memory) have mercifully almost let me forget about what I just subjected them to. Thanks again, Quizno's, for treating the entire population you serve like guinea pigs for your mad child-god fingerpaintings presented as sustenance. I look forward to your next offering.
Sincerely, Rich
